Musings From The Padded Cell

Staying In?

“Only now do I understand that, once you have accumulated enough money for the rest of your life, you have to pursue objectives that are not related to wealth.”
Steve Jobs


Surely one of the best initiatives in a long time has to be the move by the East of England Co-Op to sell food past it’s best before date at a nominal 10p an item – see here.

Environmentally this is a great idea as it saves waste. If it teaches people how to get maximum value from food then this is a win too. But how about extending the idea?

What if retailers gave back half the proceeds to local charitable causes – not the nationals paying fortunes to CEOs and other back-slappers – I mean truly local.

Localism could really play a part tackling inactivity, food education or even homelessness. Clearly the message concerning obesity is just not getting through as revealed here.

Every little helps?

Under Pressure

Scrooge here is under pressure as the festive season approaches; there is talk of a raid on my place to install a Christmas tree of all things. I may have to move out.

Having avoided this trauma in all bar one of my thirty years of unassisted living, I am weighing up the economic benefit of having my locks changed as I fear collusion.

I have tried Brexit like negotiations making serious concessions, even opening my cards instead of ignoring until the fateful day. Plus, I have invested £3 on tinsel though I must say nicking it from the local seemed more fun.

Can I really sit there staring at a conifer in my living room flashing on and off like a deranged traffic light? The consequences are entirely predictable though I will bring the tinsel back.

White Bear


Idle Minds

Sat in The Scruffy at the end of last week I listened intently to a depressing if recurring tale concerning issues with spotty hooded yobs. In fairness, it is important to note that this problem is not just confined to Idle village.

Here was a man who, having moved to the area, was now considering getting out. And all down to the sub-human activities of a generation just starting out on life.

Imagine kids blocking a road then climbing all over a taxi halted in its tracks? Or cars being pelted with stones? People too afraid to confront the mob “bravery” for fear of the consequences.

Apparently the police responded with a single female officer in a van; if this is all the available resource we have, clearly something is wrong.

Blame lies squarely at the door of successive governments, across all three parties. And in the middle, normal people unable to live in gated communities, suffer.

It seems the authorities are helpless in the face of the growing audacity of the yobs, unchallenged as they appear.

Once again I repeat, something will give. Perhaps something terrible will be the inevitable consequence of allowing behaviour that has no place in a civilised society. And the ineptitude of those in power will be there for all to see.

Under More Pressure

A fruit cake?

Yet more festive entrapment as our Pensioners’ Pilates Christmas party requires us to bring cakes and nibbles post our final torture session of the year with the Iron Lady.

She reminded us this week, having turned up looking as if she had seen a ghost, her normally red/orange/pink hair turned a shade Dulux might name “Electric Shock White”.

“I’ve decided to go back to my natural colour!” she proclaimed as Edna and Enid looked on ashen faced, happy with their own fifty shades of grey. Fearing a ten minute plank I resolved not to comment.

Desperate not to kill off any of the old biddies any sooner than the Big Man intended, even if it offers the chance of relocating my mat closer to the one working heater in the gym, I’ve been practising my baking.

Of course the old lasses are always grateful, winking rheumy eyes, slobbering cake spittle all over me and muttering kind things such as: “Told you he was gay! If my teeth break he’ll cop it!”

The Iron Lady, having worked on flat stomachs and bingo wings all year allows us an extra slice, fat stores being good for the winter winds. And then we wave goodbye till January comes and we do it all again.

Chief Tester

I am sure Grandma Ada was watching over me as I put her wartime cake tins to good use again; if all else fails the local pigeons will be in for an early treat.

One Hundred Years Ago

Not got that perfect present yet? Take a look here as to what was on offer a century ago.

Staying In?

If you really are at a loose end this weekend try having your say the Council’s proposed budgets for the next three years – see here.

Only if you were privy to the inner sanctum, had no life whatsoever and wanted a cure for insomnia would you have a hope in hell of wading through this; they may as well have written it in Urdu.

With elections looming next year, this would not be complete without a message from Hapless.

“Bradford is a big, powerful place. We are bigger than Liverpool, Newcastle and Bristol. We have the youngest population in the UK with nearly 25% of our population under the age of 16.”

Remind me again why this is such a competitive advantage?


Giant Geordie and Young Bet are getting hitched this week in The Scruffys’ celebrity wedding of the year. Idlelord has fought off competition from Hello for exclusive wedding day stories and bedroom shots – tequila – of the happy couple.

Good luck to them both from all the drunken bums at the best pub in the world.

More Fake News

Our Council issues regular press releases; most find their way seamlessly to the local rag. This is not unique to Bradford and illustrated intelligently in the book Flat Earth News by Nick Davies.

One technique, used often on slow news days, is to rehash a story published some time ago. And, with local elections just around the corner, expect a ramping up of good news stories from Hapless’s control centre.

This week we had a rehash of a complete load of bollocks claiming hundreds of jobs will be created with the building of some new sheds – see here. Note the similarity here earlier in the year.

Of course, commercial developments are welcome but this type of offering is generally people light. Gone are the days factories employed thousands.

An informed source tells me that planning applications are always better received with generous promises of jobs. After all, who goes back to check and what could they do anyway?

It would be very interesting to note just how accurate this piece, a decade ago, has proven announcing “plans to create 2,500 new jobs in Bradford.”

Be careful what you read apart from on here of course!

And Finally

The grassed roof of Idle Hill reservoir looking towards Otley Chevin; this may be a thing of the past as a planning application has been submitted to build 8 detached houses in the reservoir

A wonderful picture here taken from the excellent and informative Facebook page “Idle Memories – Past & Present”.
Quite a view.

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