Musings From The Padded Cell

Archives for February 2012

View From the Back of the Class

Frozen Nipples Growing up, like most young lads, I was obsessed with playing sport and chasing girls in no particular order but I never saw an obvious link; certainly the concept of a gym held no appeal to me whatsoever as a means of keeping fit or anything to do with girls. It seemed to […]

A Critics’s Corner – Chapter 8

8 – Blinded by the Light To anybody who has participated in a committee of any sort over the years my heartfelt and doubtless mutually shared sympathies to you all; it is an inescapable fact that any organisation needs some sort of management structure and for the voluntary sector that generally means a committee. Anarchy […]

Death of my Hometown

Springsteen’s up and coming new album “The Wrecking Ball” features a track called “Death of my Hometown” which seven days ahead of Channel Four’s “Make Bradford British” so called two-part documentary is nice timing. Perhaps the solution is all in the title of the album?

A Critics’ Corner – Chapter 7

7 – The Rising By the early Eighties things were at last showing signs of progress off the pitch at the Villas; the catalyst without a doubt was the period of success on the field that began with the Club’s Under Eighteen team enjoying a period from 1977-80 that has never since been bettered.  It […]

About A Boy

“Be Ready for Eight!” Cometh the hour, cometh the man or so they say. Half-term week could only mean one thing; the Godfather duty rota beckoned again and as the chosen day approached for my day with the chosen one, I steeled myself for the ordeal. Somehow over the years I have been “selected” for […]

A Critics’ Corner – Chapter 6

Girls in their Summer Clothes Growing up as a teenage boy there are few discoveries more exciting than girls; at that age they are blissfully free of any male-induced mental frailties, unattainable expectations about life, stretch marks and the belief that an expensive wedding and subsequent breeding will make life perfect.  Of course boys are […]

The Italian Job

HAUL BELIEVED TO BE OVER £20M…SNATCHED FROM UNDER EMPLOYER’S NOSE AFTER FOUR YEAR DECEPTION…BOSS CONFESSES “WE NEVER UNDERSTOOD HIM BECAUSE HE COULD NOT SPEAK ENGLISH!”…BELIEVED TO BE ON A BEACH SOMEWHERE IN ITALY! Oh what a tragedy! I sat down last night expecting to get a full update on the day’s news; had Greece finally […]

A Beauty Therapist? (Rated PG!)

A beauty therapist friend of mine recently told me she was thinking of adding a new service called a vagacial to her range of exotic treatments. Strangely, I read about this new craze, with incredulity, about a year or so ago in the Sunday Times Style magazine. This glossy supplement, aimed squarely at women, is […]

A Critics’ Corner – Chapter 5

5 – My Lucky Day The best of childhood friendships endure most things the ups and downs of adolescent life can throw at them; I was lucky enough to have the best mate a kid could have growing up at Villas in Duck and that remains the case all these years on, through all that […]

The Great Property Panto

Like me, you probably watch far too much television in the dark winter months. Life was a whole lot simpler when we had the Test Card, three channels, a snooker cue for a remote control and the disappearing black spot at the end of the night’s viewing saying “get to bed there is nothing else […]