Musings From The Padded Cell

Beer Is Good For You!

“Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.”
Henry Lawson

News from the latest edition of the fabulous Tyke Taverner confirms the health and social benefits of drinking beer.

Research published in the well-read journal Adaptive Human Behaviour and Physiology – it might have hit home to a wider audience in The Sun perhaps – confirms moderate social drinking is good for the soul.

They found that people who have a local – see Figure A – feel “more socially engaged and contented”.

Figure A

“The study also showed that those who drank…in smaller groups…encouraged whole-group conversation.” Many family men find conversations far easier with a pint in hand, especially as it means the chances of going shopping have receded – see Figure B.

Figure B

No less than Professor Robin Dunbar of the University of Oxford’s Experimental Psychology department – not known to be a regular at The Scruffy – added that “…alcohol’s role appears to be in triggering the endorphin system, which promotes social bonding.”

Colin Valentine, the Chairman of CAMRA, said…“pubs play such a pivotal role in a person’s wellbeing.” – see Figure C.

Figure C

Soon our favourite tipples will all be going up in price due to a combination of factors but what price happiness? Support your local and enjoy your beer – responsibly of course.

The Wild West

The return of C5’s All New Traffic Cops this week made for compelling viewing for anyone living in North and West Yorkshire. For those of us living in Bradford it was simply embarrassing.

The first episode followed a patrol car on just another Saturday night in downtown Bradford. It wasn’t long before one of those nice hard-working young pillars of society came driving by at a modest 100mph in an Audi RS3.

Audi RS3

Described by one cop as the local bad boys car of choice, this was presumably based on qualities such as 0-60mph in less time than the referenced driver’s brain starts to flicker.

What followed next should disturb anyone who watched the events unfold although it may not have surprised.

Backing the miscreant into a cul-de-sac the cops made the arrest only for local residents to amass faster than if someone was dispensing free money. They then blocked in the police cars – arrogantly or ignorantly take your pick – showing no respect for the process of the law.

Gesticulating like retarded infants at officers simply upholding the law – which is for the protection and benefit of us all – these people showed neither respect nor fear of the law. It was the Wild West in Bradford West.

That they could seek to defend the idiot who was guilty of a string of offences shows just how far we have to go as a city. Sadly, I doubt if I will see it in my lifetime.

More From The Bleeding Obvious Dept

Yet another study confirms what most of us have known for decades.

“Adolescence is thought to be the time when children go off exercise – but a study in The British Journal of Sports Medicine suggests it happens much earlier, around the age of seven.”

We are leading our kids into a lifetime of poor health, narrow choices and ultimately social exclusion which, as I have banged on about forever, is utter madness.

I’m back in the old schoolyard – literally – coaching again and yet the challenges of teaching a complex game like cricket (or any other for that matter) are immense.

Frankly, I don’t blame the kids; you would not expect them to drive a car had they never sat in one…well maybe not in most of Bradford. However, certain “behaviours” are already rife in the local gym with twenty-somethings and beyond.

Despite signs attempting to enforce a mobile-free zone, people wander around with screens pushed to faces as if they were running MI5 awaiting some secret instruction. How about “do some exercise you lazy twat!”

The good old days…they most certainly were.

Not Fit For Purpose

By now you will know my thoughts on Bradford Council. Echoing these last week was a move by two local MPs to effectively breakaway from the odious tentacles of Hapless Hinchlcliffe and her cronies.

I cannot remember any article in recent times in the local rag creating such traffic on the message boards. And for a change there was the odd sensible comment too.

The sheer number of comments illustrated that the people of Bradford feel very let down by the shambles at City Hall. The breakaway plan has many flaws but it may, at the very least, promote some serious debate and scrutiny of our woeful Council.

Won’t somebody believe me?

Only the other night Hapless was back on the box attempting to make the case for a high speed rail link.

“Bradford…fifth biggest city…fastest growing young population…Bradford…fifth biggest city…fastest growing young population…Bradford…fifth biggest city…fastest growing young population…” she bleated.

I swear the woman reminds me of one of those dolls where you pulled a string and out came the same old thing every time; small wonder they ended up discarded and forgotten.

Rather ironically the T&A simultaneously published pictures of Bradford’s last trolley bus.

Bradford’s new high speed link.

Coincidence or innocently prophetic?

Morrisons Opens OAP Gym

Soon to be shopping at Aldi

From time to time supermarkets like to shake things up just as we customers have finally got used to how to find the bare necessities of life inside twenty minutes. Enjoying a resurgence of sorts, Morrisons has recently revamped it’s local store and my Mum is not happy.

It’s not that she does not enjoy a good walk, leaving my Dad in the car to stew as she wanders off with her trolley. It’s just that the equivalent of a Himalayan trek to find Heinz baked beans has pushed her to the limits.

Cunningly, supermarkets make sure we walk past most they have to offer to find our favourite brands. I walked in the other day for bread and found balloons and party hats. There were old people wandering around in a daze, as if they had been in there for weeks just trying to get out.

Mum is off to Go Outdoors for a comfortable pair of walking boots plus a flask and a commode for the old man given his extended waiting time in the car park.

Herr Aldi may yet get them through the doors…unless they move the beans!

April Fool?

“Risible! Where can I sue!”

Serial exploiter of really stupid people George Galloway is back with plans to contest the forthcoming by-election in Manchester Gorton. Surely there are not more stupid people out there ready to let Old Mad Eyes lead them to the promised land?

No Booze, No Chat?

The home of truth.

Stunning news from researchers at the University of Pittsburgh on the effects of alcohol on men and women. They found that men “might start out staring silently at their pints but a few drinks later…will be chatting happily.”

Whereas women “experience more similar bonding effects when they are sober.” In other words they can talk forever, cocktail or no cocktail. You don’t say?

Apparently alcohol’s influence on the brain also makes men more willing to share our feelings such as “fancy another one?”. So there you have it girls; want to know our innermost thoughts, just send us to the pub.

One Hundred Years Ago

More from another age.

And Finally…For A Rainy Day

As the new cricket season approaches, if the elements threaten to rob man of one pastime, surely he can rely on another? After all, we need to bond and share our feelings.

Author – M Molyneux

Time for that beer!

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