A friend of mine had been having some bad luck recently with her choice of men. Naturally, as any friend would, I offered my good counsel; poor woman I hear you say in unison.
“Willy you know **** all about women” she countered before reluctantly accepting my offer of a day out, clearly in desperation, but with beers along the way to soften the blow.
For my part it was an admittedly futile attempt to escape the clutches of Big Al and The Scruffy, or at least delay the inevitable, the Rugby World Cup the current excuse.
I decided that it would be nice to take a stroll and enjoy the beautiful open spaces we treasure locally before the morons at our Council turn the area into Legoland and the air quality akin to that in Beijing.
A short hop down the hill is all it takes to be surrounded by green fields dotted with horses grazing peacefully alongside the shimmering and calming waters of the Leeds-Liverpool canal.
Centuries of progressive labours will be scarred by a few short years of greed-driven and ignorant house building along it’s winding banks. This is not a scheme aimed at solving a housing shortage simply a Council selling its locals down the canal!
However, despite the perfect surroundings blessed by the autumnal sunshine, it seemed that my friend’s mood still needed a bit more of a lift.
“Last week I was in Copenhagen being wined and dined, now it’s a cup of tea on a canal with you.” she muttered, spooning her tea disconsolately.
Some people are just hard to please I thought as I tucked into my Bakewell slice at the delightful Toby’s.
This idyllic view is about to be destroyed in an act of outright vandalism with almost three hundred new houses that few locally will be able to afford.
How ironic a Labour led Council can oversee a house building splurge for people who would never dream of voting for them and most likely will be coming from across the border i.e. Leeds.
The dopes at City Hall would have you believe there is a housing shortage in Bradford and that it’s boom time now we have a Debenhams and a new Next.
Yet surely the best evidence of any housing crisis is a surge in prices, something that is clearly not happening in Bradford.
What we have in Bradford is a shortage of houses for people the big developers are not interested in, in other words, those that cannot afford three bathrooms.
Additionally, much of the available land is across town where developers are again not interested. Speak the unspeakable…if you dare.
The double-whammy is that ever more congested roads also need improvements that Councils cannot afford either.
So they consent to housing developments in exchange for Section 106 bungs, to build more houses for more cars; it makes no sense whatsoever.
We walked past workers completing the new train station which nobody this side of the canal will be able to get to in years to come, if a brainless plan to cut off access across the bridge that has served us for decades gets the nod, doubtless assisted by more developer bungs.
The roads will be gridlocked in every direction; houses bought by people who cannot afford a Leeds postcode a mile or so up the road will have kids with no local schools to go to, full as they are already.
Oblivious, the swans glided gracefully by, untroubled by man’s greed and stupidity, unaware the bulldozers will be here soon.
Off we went into the woods, more beauty and safe from the carnage for now; I had a new destination in mind.
Rescued from closure, The Commercial in Thackley – aka The Comic – is now free from the clutches of the Pubcos and operating as a privately owned local again.
Pubs are key to our communities but, until it re-opened, Thackley was down to one pub whereas just up the road here in Idle, there are eight in some way, shape or form; make of that what you will?
The Comic is well worth a visit and long may it prosper. A good range of beers and a steady trickle of locals with the inimitable pub banter flowing through the place. Care in the community indeed.
However, despite the allure of the reborn Comic, my friend remained on suicide watch and not even the free pork pies on the bar could shake her Danish-induced gloom.
Although I’d vowed to stay away from the local sanatorium for the day, I knew she really needed additional counsel from resident Doctors Big Al and Molly – plus I had no idea what else to say – so I led her up the hill to salvation.
Assuming her woes were far greater than at first seemed and that she was my new squeeze, the residents warmed instantly in united sympathy.
Our Jackie put a consoling arm around her, offered a half-used Woodbine coated in Max Factor Rouge and whispered words of heart-felt advice.
“Don’t let ‘im get in yer knickers love” and then she walked off, machine gun laugh scattering the inmates.
It wasn’t long till this magical kingdom lifted my friend from her twin despair of lost love and having to rely on me for company.
She did lapse, albeit temporarily, reminiscing about a romantic candle lit dinner only one week ago; I knew instantly what she needed.
And soon we were sat in the moonlight, hugging our chip butties, taking in the twinkling lights of the council flats in the distance watching the local youth start up the Saturday night speed trials in their souped up Corsas and pimped up Micras.
Who needs Copenhagen when you have Idle?
The good doctors bid us a fond farewell as we bounced out of the door, optimism restored, a job well done. She can call The Samaritans next week.
Footnote 1 – Oh Wake Up All Ye Faithful
A few days ago there was a meeting for Idle & Thackley residents called by the local Lib Dem Councillors. Approximately thirty of us attended hoping to find out more about the destruction of our lovely part of the city and ways of combating this.
We were supplied with a map outlining the current Bradford North East SHLAA (Strategic Housing Land Availability Assessment) which is designed to assess the amount of land that could be made available for housing development in an area.
The grand plan for Bradford has determined that some 4,200 houses need to be found in this area; to date around a quarter of the land needed has been allocated but looking at the map – you can view it here – can you spot space for the rest?
You may want to locate your area too and see what the clowns are proposing down at Muppet Hall.
In addition, the S106 bribes – sorry contributions to local authority infrastructure improvements whether you ever see them or not –
are being replaced by a Community Levy.
However, to access the funding available here to build new multi-storey schools and the flyover from Bradford to Leeds, you need to form a Parish Council.
A suggestion from the Lib Dems is to set a precept of circa £25 per household affording a budget of approximately £160k p.a. to be spent locally, at the same time creating a couple more non-jobs. What another level of bureaucracy will achieve is beyond me.
Politicians – locally and nationally – just don’t seem to understand that ordinary people have little faith in how they spend our money.
The damage is largely done and we have all been sold down the river by our hapless and hopeless Council.
Footnote 2 – Not Just Here.
More evidence of the failure of Bradford Council to do what they are legally bound to do – agree a five year plan for housing – enabling the big cheque books of the developers to override both them and local opinion is here.
So much for democracy?
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