It’s the time for new year’s resolutions again and never more is this in evidence than at gyms up and down the country with new recruits wobbling through the doors.
In they flood, like suspicious kids through the school gates at the start of term, dressed in their shiny new uniforms straight from cashing in the dreaded and unwanted Sports Direct gift voucher.
Clutching branded water bottles like a packed lunch, wide-eyed and about to be rendered instantly legless, fear is etched in their eyes as they long for the comfort of the sofa, Coronation Street and that last tin of Quality Street.
Having reluctantly resolved that this really is the year they will finally get a six-pack other than Stella, forms are eagerly signed as delirious gym owners up and down the country book Caribbean holidays and make an appointment at the Mercedes dealership.
Of course, we all know it will not last and that the local charity shops will be full of barely used gym kit come Spring. For now though – cheeks reddened, bodies in shock, covered in sweat – they explore this terrifying brave new world.
Going to the gym is only one of many directions people try to follow in the pursuit of a “better” life each new year before they remember that the old life was a lot more comfortable; change is not always good.
But if you really do want to change your life then how about an alternative approach by taking a look at the top five regrets of dying people? Stay with me…
If this sounds morbid, why should it; after all, surely you wouldn’t change a plug without asking someone who’s done it first?
Put bluntly, if you are just about to snuff it, would you not surely have a clearer perspective than ever before of life and what you may have done better?
Taken from a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying – written by an Australian palliative nurse who interviewed patients in the last weeks of their lives – the following are compelling and thought provoking.
Nowhere will you see “I wish I’d bought a smart phone and had a tattoo”. Merely, reflections on how the simple stuff really does matter the most.
The Courage to Live a Life True to Oneself
From an early age we have role models that we are encouraged to look up to; it’s not until far later in life that we realise that many of these are either crooked or child molesters.
All that glitters is, indeed, rarely gold but much of what we see through the media suggests there is a glamorous life out there for us all. That most of what is portrayed is wholly unobtainable and largely total fantasy is lost on many.
Finding contentment through the little things in life is a tough ask but ultimately hugely gratifying. Freedom, family, friends, good health…you can all name the ones most important to you; but being you is surely the biggest win of all.
The Regret of Working Too Hard
We are obsessed in the UK by the macho need to be seen to work obscene hours – I accept some have little choice – but if we really questioned if we could be more effective and free up valuable time, most of us could.
Many aspire to the notion of a better work-life balance but few have any idea how to achieve this.
Men appear to suffer this regret most missing out on their children growing up; to many work is like a comfort blanket and clocking off early a sign of weakness.
The Courage to Express True Feelings
As Brits we are pretty poor here and, as a Yorkshireman, I consider myself totally retarded in this department. However, this does not relate just to relationships.
In the working environment how many people – especially in these tough economic times – speak their minds or simply keep heads down for a quiet life, enduring a boss who would have been smashed to crap behind the bike shed back in school days.
I do not know whatever happened to the man in the picture but I guess paying his mortgage was the last thing on his mind when he made his unbelievably courageous stance.
The book suggests that bottling up resentments causes illness and results in people accepting mediocre lives, often of quiet desperation.
None of this is easy but we get one shot here and, as the song goes “it’s later than you think“.
Losing Touch With Friends
If ever there was ever a time of year this resonated most then this most surely is it. Most have just spent two weeks surrounded by friends and family and now its back to the grind.
I cannot offer any reason why we all don’t work a bit harder to enjoy those relationships we most treasure.
I’m not advocating we all seek out someone to go hug right away but even the most gregarious of us make very few really true friends. Appreciating them is an art.
To Allow Yourself to be Happier
The toughest one of all; it may be a universal aspiration but it’s far from a divine right and you just never know when somebody will ruin your day.
I guess all we can do here is try to enjoy the small stuff enough to deal with the big stuff if it lands. Grab a beer, have a laugh, act like a three year old…it works…honest!
So there you have it; the wisdom of the dying as opposed to the ignorance of the living.
John Lavan
I had almost completed this piece when I heard of the sad news of the death of John Lavan, aged 51. John was a team-mate in a Villas junior side that enjoyed a fair amount of success many moons ago and he played his full part in that.
He was modest about his cricketing talents but he could bash it with the bat and bowled useful medium pace. He was also a very good footballer from memory.
A really nice guy who regularly got back up North to sample the Guinness at the Bear.
Sincere condolences to his family from all at the Villas.
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