Jolly Green Government
Despite the fact that the country is bankrupt, the Government has signed us all up to saving the Polar ice-caps with the aim of becoming the greenest administration ever, whatever it costs. Ministers don’t really seem to notice that most people’s energy bills have been rising faster than the hot air coming out of the House of Commons lately and have committed us to years of more pain before, so they say, prices will start to fall; pull the other one! Do they really expect us to believe that a few more years of fat profits for the energy companies and all will be roses, whilst they schmooze their way into non-exec posts with the businesses whose wares they sell so keenly. Seriously, when can you remember the price of anything actually going down?
Little Ed, not to be confused with Big Ed (the one who blew away all the money) on the opposition benches, is the Lib-Dem Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change. He is doing his best to convince us that it really is a good idea to plaster the countryside with giant windmills even if they might not actually do very much as most days the wind does not actually blow. Little Ed is a prime example of why Lib Dems make great local councillors because, whilst they might ensure that the Lollipop man has a bright, reflective jacket and is CRB checked, give them the bigger picture and its like Camberwick Green taking over NASA.
Most of the increases we will see in our bills will be the result of the Government chasing some deluded notion that, what we do on our small island actually really matters to the polar bears whilst, over in China and India, carbon emissions are somewhat lower down the pecking order and they are probably eating the polar bears. Little Ed and his green army claim that, even if our bills will go up, we can all save much more by simply replacing all our electrical equipment with new, energy-efficient models. Easy peasy then, surely everybody’s happy?
How comforting to know that just by buying a new eco-friendly fridge, freezer, washer, dryer, television and all the rest, you will be saving money on your new enlarged bill and making Little Ed green with happiness again. Lets try not to worry about the few grand you might need to buy all that stuff – even though you can barely afford to pay this quarter’s bill – or the extra emissions pouring out of the factories in China where they will be feverishly making it for us.
The case for solar power is equally flawed with more generous Government subsidies, although gradually being reduced, nowhere near enough to account for the fact that this is England not the outback. Still, people flock to fork out thousands to convert rooftops into giant sunbeds. You read it here first but this has the potential to be yet another selling scandal, enough to make Arthur Daley look a saint.Politicians do, it seems, live on another planet.
More Electricity Nonsense
Sky has attempted to move away from being a sport dependent offering by broadening both its home produced dramas and importing some very good stuff, largely from the US. Of course there are one or two turkeys and perhaps the plumpest of all is the mega-budget, Revolution. Set fifteen years from now in a world post the Lib Dems, where all the lights have actually gone out (who said those windmills would work?) it’s a standard good versus evil tale as the survivors in a new world without power battle for their daily existence and Little Ed wanders lost in the wilderness. And what a load of old codswallop it is!
Fifteen years on and all the characters seem to shop at Gap, have gleaming hair and have teeth The Osmonds would have died for. It reminds me of Lost which was about a plane crashing on a beach albeit softly enough to allow most of the cast to crawl out, looks and locks intact and drag several series from the brand once they realised whatever they produced people would watch. Homeland, another US “blockbuster”, peppered with leading Brit actors, is another pile of crap and yet more series are lined up despite there clearly being more terrorists in the US than FBI…or the FBI being spectacularly useless…you decide.
Yes I know its television but there is a more sinister side to many of these glossy fantasies in the extreme violence that seems to be a dominant feature. Take a look at The Following – another Brit cast as the bad guy…what happened to our “special relationship” – where killings are often bloody and brutal. Life is cheap in most of these programmes and given life’s ability to imitate art through man’s basic stupidity, long term this is far from encouraging. That’s why I prefer Countryfile any day of the week…now down on the farm…
Five Star Sid
Would you believe it? With the onset of the new cricket season and Sunday mornings at the Villas, our very own Sid’s Cafe has received five stars from t’Council for hygiene…ney!!! Sid tells me that this year he is hoping to expand into an evening bistro as he aims for his first Michelin star with his signature dish of rare, cured (cooked last summer) bacon and sausage butties and superior, filtered Maxwell House. Wife Nora was unavailable for comment.
Grey Fox
I never thought I would be the youngest in a sporting team ever again but this summer, Villas are entering the Grey Fox Over 50s cricket competition for the first time. As news has filtered out, legends such as Brent Shackleton, Steve “Leapy” Lee and Rick Lawrence have been frantically searching dusty lofts for gear they once thought would never see the light of day again or had been burnt by the missus.
Details are as sketchy as the remaining hair on Leapy Lee’s head but our competitive juices are flowing faster than the ale at the Bear and strict training and dietary programmes are being developed as I write – not by Sid I hasten to add. More details to follow and any suggestions for our team name are most welcome.
PC Clumsy Cow
Bad enough that a copper trips up over a kerb whilst looking for burglars but to then attempt to sue the proprietor of the premises for not carrying out a “risk assessment” of the site beggars belief. I mean could you have admitted that your own super-powers had let you down and, not only could you not catch the villain, but had tripped up? I suggest the proprietor sues the police for sending someone so useless they could not negotiate a kerb. Jack Regan will be turning in his grave!
Back to Class
The BBC published an extensive survey on class this week and, as they issued the invitation to take the test, so I did. I am now officially “Traditional Working Class”, make of that what you will. Wonder how much that load of bollocks cost?
Sport For All
Uplifted in full from this week’s Private Eye 1337 (worth every penny of my subscription so don’t think of suing me Mr Hislop) is the following proof that it is a very unequal society we have here:
“£700,000 public money spent each year on Don Valley athletics stadium in Sheffield, which makes it ‘unsustainable’ and means it will close and be demolished” {a point I made already in “Fifty Not Out”…have you been snooping Mr Hislop?}
“£25m extra public money announced last week to convert Olympic stadium in London for use by West Ham Utd, taking total public contribution to £60m”
This conveniently assures some future use for at least one Olympic white elephant even if it needs another £25m to erase the problem. Lets hope West Ham don’t fall from the Premiership. As I have said time and time again, there is one gravy train for some and a bone shaker for the rest of us. Forever blowing bubbles of the champagne time in East London…
If You Go Down to the Woods Today…
Anybody see C4’s programme on dogging? All that action going on down in the woods…I swear I have never seen a thing in nearby Buck Woods but the thought of my dear mate, Patch, who almost lives in those woods, tied to a tree with a mask on makes me queasy. Don’t do it mate…as the they said years ago “stick to the path”.
More Council Rubbish
And finally, back to my old favourite our dear old incompetent council “led” by dear old… The recent introduction of a permit for tipping, designed to stop cross border raids into Bradford from hostile territories such as Leeds, has provoked uproar and rightly so. Surely recycling should be a national objective and a cultural aspiration not some tit for tat game between councillors elected by three people on a wet day?
So what if some people from Leeds recycle their rubbish with Bradford sites because these are nearest to them? Back to Little Ed again – there is always a theme – by taking the shortest journey are they not emitting less emissions and assisting the green dream? Maybe we might even get lucky and find some stuff from Leeds City Council on how to plan and run a modern city…get your gloves on Cllr…’er…Green!
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