Musings From The Padded Cell

The Golden Age Of The Idiot.

“Stay away from dumb, gentlemen.”
Coach Eric Taylor from the fictional Friday Night Lights.

Conclusive proof – were it ever needed – that Hapless Hinchcliffe and the Crony Gang are readers of Idlelord.

The Council’s latest grand plan concerns the abandoned and, in many parts, decaying top end of town and was outlined here. However, they read it first here – see “Up Town, Definitely Not Top Ranking!”

Whilst no plan could be a perfect solution, this appears a realistic admission that the top end of town is now too far adrift of the main footfall for shoppers i.e. Broadway and the retail park close by.

Finding a home for the traders is essential but plans for housing on the site of the old market and Morrisons appear short sighted and badly thought out.

Doubtless developers will seek high density apartments – the slums of tomorrow – endangering the architectural beauty of the surrounding streets, many containing listed buildings. This would be a panic move and reminiscent of the carnage built in the sixties and seventies.

We keep being told we are not Leeds and, in this case, we should not seek direct comparison. Building hundreds of flats will not improve the city centre one jot.

So why not be bold and visionary by creating an open space and some cheap car-parking to induce those who still favour the top end of town into that part and aid it’s renaissance at a more gradual and achievable pace?

Cllr Ross-Shaw strikes another commanding pose. Where do they find these people?

And why will it take until 2021? Get on with it!!!

Wacky Races

The parachute straps seem appropriate

A classic story from the local rag which seasoned residents of our city might interpret slightly differently went as follows with the official version in italics.

A performance car adorned with decorative ribbons has been seized by police in the district. Officers spotted the high-powered Audi when it was being “driven erratically” last night.

A stolen Audi broke the current Bradford land speed record on the Bingley bypass. When apprehended the occupant claimed: “My Uncle lent me it to go see my Gran who’s really ill man…really!”

The decorations were to celebrate the fact that most of the car’s dubious cargo had flown into the wind faster than the car. Several cops in pursuit turned up in a happy and chilled state of being and started dancing trance-like around the car.

The expensive vehicle, part of the German manufacturer’s Racing Sport range, had been “borrowed”, according to West Yorkshire Police.

“My Uncle said to bring it back when I had done my Gran’s shopping. I was so worried that Aldi would shut I popped a few of the pills I was taking her just to calm me down. Honest, I’m not shittin’!”

Officers confiscated the vehicle in Highfield Lane, Keighley.

“I were goin to take me Gran to the swings…that’s all…she loves dem rides man!”

The police’s roads policing unit revealed that the driver of the Audi had been “reported as uninsured.”

“What’s dat?”

Fast forward to the court case and imagine the following?

Judge Len I’ent assessed that sending the culprit to jail would serve little purpose as his wife was pregnant with their eleventh child and had nobody to pop down to the Post Office to cash the benefits cheque.

In addition he really had turned around his life and had promised his Gran to be a “good boy”. Sentencing him to 3 hours community service the judge told him this was definitely his last chance…till next time.

One Hundred Years Ago

Even in wartime the mood appears much less ugly than our current times. Read on

1917 seems to have been a particularly harsh winter with more than average snow falls but the cricket season managed to get under way at the end of April despite the weather.

And it is interesting to note that a report of a talk about bird spotting was organised by the literary committee of Shipley Bowling Club. Wonder how many sports clubs today have a literary committee?

I wonder!


The saga rumbles on with the following email – five visits on – from our idiotic council.

We have considered your recent email regarding positioning of a replacement tree and we are disappointed that we cannot agree an alternative to the former trees location as previously suggested.

Replacing the tree in exactly same place is considered not viable or cost effective due to the narrow width of the existing footway and also the presence of the residual tree root system and how this may be linked with other underground utility services.

Therefore at this stage I see no alternative than to reinstate the area only. I am sorry that it is probably not what you wanted to hear, but the council has tried to accommodate your wishes in an attempt to make a satisfactory conclusion.

Clueless? Moronic? And they have the nerve to mention “cost effective”.

Enjoy your weekend.

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