“Quality of life in Bradford is the worst in the UK!” so screamed the headline the other night on the front of the local rag, Bradford’s Telegraph & Argus.
Had the rag finally given up on it’s hometown? Or had no drug dealers been convicted leaving it a slow news day?
Hot on the heels of coming second in a recent list of fifty “crap towns”, Bradford now appears to have plumbed new depths with a listing at the foot of Britain’s Top 12 cities. I would have thought it was an honour to be included.
This latest piece of warming news was commissioned by Moneysupermarket.com with the article ending with some hearty recommendations as to how to improve your lot if you do live somewhere crap.
Switching your mortgage or energy provider from one rip-off institution to the next apparently guarantees happiness and presumably a fat fee for Moneysupermarket.com whether you live in a crap town or not.
Nowhere in their advice was “run for the hills!”
The boffins scored the “major” 12 cities on “quality of life” including the Government’s “happiness” index; clearly you can already see where this is heading.
Northerners always suffer in the happiness stakes because we are only happy when we are miserable and there is no survey on Earth that can quantify that logic especially one conducted by Southerners.
Factors such as low wage rates, high unemployment levels and stagnant house prices combined to conclude, in a nutshell, that Bradford is shit…which we all know anyway but thanks!
Bristol, allegedly, is the place to be presumably because its riots were a lot longer ago than Bradford’s.
Strangely, Belfast – no stranger to the odd petrol bomb as well – was also included although it appears to have a population far lower than several that missed the cut including Wakefield, a city that has two shopping centres to Bradford’s one, believe it or not.
For those of you that missed the list here it is:
Bristol
Edinburgh
Cardiff (contentious…must have included the sheep)
Liverpool
Leeds
Manchester
London
Belfast (smaller than Bradford’s twin…Leicester)
Glasgow
Birmingham
Sheffield
Bradford
Now even the most delusional in City Hall – and there are a few – must concede that Bradford, in its current state, should not even be on the list. The city is only included due to its burgeoning population and that is nothing to shout about.
There is a common theme across most of the cities ranking above Bradford; they have quality retail offerings, most have major entertainment attractions and almost all bar Bradford appear progressive, modern and vibrant cities where people seek to live and work.
As ever the T&A sought out the opinions of our political leaders and, as ever, we are reminded as to what a hopeless bunch we have and, most likely, why there is no quick fix.
Gerry Sutcliffe MP (Piss It Down the Drain Party) called on Bradford Council to “take the lead” and introduce the living wage, currently £7.45 per hour, for its lowest-paid staff.
There…hand out a bit of dosh and its all sorted then…more money to shop in Leeds. Good to see Old New Labour alive and kicking still oblivious to the fact that the country is broke.
Respected local celebrity/MP George Galloway (They Seek Him Here, They Seek Him There Party) said: “It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out that Bradford is in the epicentre of the depression, although a few more rocket scientists and jobs for them would be welcome. I hope my local parliamentary colleagues will join me in demanding of ministers a rescue plan for our city and region and the necessary investment to trigger it.”
Translated loosely means “who gives a shit I’m off anyway!”
Galloway conveniently ignores the fact that one of the most depressing aspects of Bradford in recent years was that some of it’s constituents were actually desperate and stupid enough to elect him.
Hartlepool elected a monkey and we elected Galloway…make of that what you will.
Bradford East MP David Ward (La La Land Party) said “What this looks at is disposable income, as if disposable income is the only measure of quality of life.”
Well for most people it actually is, unless you have an MP’s salary and expenses package. And I voted for him!
“If you are unemployed or on a low income then this probably won’t apply, but there are lots of people who love being in Bradford and wouldn’t dream of moving to Bristol, or anywhere else for that matter.”
Which is largely because they are unemployed or on a low income and could not afford to move.
Of course the T&A had to seek the views at City Hall and, after pinging a few pebbles at the windows to stir them from their daily oblivion, we had a contribution from Our Leader, Kim Jong Un-Green.
Cllr Green (Piss It Down the Drain Junior Party) said reports like this could be damaging…that’s leadership for you…as this could make businesses think twice about relocating to the city. Thank God for Burger King and MacDonalds then!
“It’s got the fastest-growing young population outside London.” he blurted ignoring the fact that most of these are barely educated above the ability to flip a burger.
Cllr Sunderland (La La Land Party – Grass Roots) argued that all would be well when the new shopping centre was finished in 2030 to coincide with nobody left living here so she could have the pick of parking spots.
Cllr Miller (Boris Johnson Party) said “We have got two cranes on the skyline…what more can you ask for?” Watch out for that man Mr Cameron…a true visionary…he will be after your toy set!
For the record, yes the centre of Bradford is a dump. Yes, our politicians are hopeless. And yes, there appears little hope long term for a city that has become a dumping ground.
Educational standards are so low the best you can aspire to is to be a councillor and still migrants flood in even though there are few jobs for the indigenous population.
They tell us they need thousands of new houses yet vast brownfield sites lay derelict whilst planners consent to developers tearing up green fields.
It has been several decades of pitiful decline…we just don’t need another survey to tell us.
Louis Gacquin says
If you think that Bradford is bad you should try living in my home town (Dewbsury)!!
J Spencer says
Perhaps another view of Bradford looking over the fence.
Visit Albion’s People; Bradford City of Dreams. I do not think this commentator works for the BBC or the Guardian