“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
Marilyn Monroe.
As the world shook this week with goings on across the pond life remained ripple free in a small village in a small town.
Tales From The Scruffy
Brexit looks like it could run on longer than the Heathrow runway saga but, whatever your politics, Britain voted to leave the EU last June and the size of the margin is inconsequential. You don’t run the Derby again if a horse wins it by a neck.
Since then there has been a sinister creeping campaign by a part of the Establishment that simply refuses to accept they lost. These people have no interest in ordinary Britains but see Europe as the next gravy train on from Westminster.
They do not believe that Essex Man, Geordie Boy or anybody from ‘Nob ‘Ed Korna at The Scruffy should be able to vote on anything other than the X-Factor.
In short, it’s largely why Americans chose a rich idiot over the usual lying, corrupt rich Establishment stooge.
So it was with welcome relief that your correspondent was on hand to record yet more evidence that hope still lives on at least at The Scruffy.
It was another Sunday night and the EU Directive on Old Farts – allowing freedom of movement from the local secure facility – had come into play.
The Fishermen wandered in for the weekly quiz led by Birds Eye and Two Jumpers with The Teacher missing apparently still sat on the canal edge in defiance at the EU Fisheries Policy.
They gave a competitive sneer towards two groups of hopeful youngsters in the house trying to win “their” beer sat in “their” seats in “their” corner; The Scruffy’s equivalent of a Triple Lock indeed.
Stand-in quiz master Norman the Trans began before a riot ensued with a question concerning Marilyn Monroe no less.
“I know that one!” exclaimed Birds Eye offering a finger to the Yoof “I had her round the back of the market in 1962. That was when women had real curves and beavers too!”
Big Al splurted a mouthful of Wotsits all over Patch who was dribbling with laughter so much that he had to have his chin wiped by the nice Polish care lady who’d come in with The Fishermen hoping to marry one before that nasty Mr Farage sent her home.
We were all keen to hear more as Birds Eye sat there with a glint in his rheumy eyes but before we could it was time for the next question.
“Which was the only sport broadcast in 3D at the London Olympics?” asked Norman in her clipped BBC tones. “Was it the men’s hundred metres or the women’s beach volleyball?”
The pub was simmering as Brexit Men recalled their one and only experience of beach volleyball with several “oohs” and “aahs” whilst the youngsters cowered in the corner glad that next Sunday I’m A Celebrity would be back offering a reason to stay in.
“Easy!” announced Birds Eye to loving looks from Two Jumpers. “That’s volleyball and only because there’s no beaver anymore!”
The youngsters – already laden with debt, priced out of the housing market and booted out of the Beaver Free EU by Birds Eye’s generation – looked across with conspiratorial vengeance in their eyes. Only another twenty-eight questions to go.
Birds Eye smiled as he punched the air and exclaimed “Folks we’re gonna make The Scruffy great again!”
{This article was sponsored by a Mr D J Trump – Head of Locker Room Talk}
The Great Housebuilding Gold Rush
Our cash-strapped council has had a £9m pat on the back for it’s “contribution” to addressing the national house building crisis.
This is, in part, compensation for the developers being able to run rough-shod over council claims for payments – known as Section 106 agreements aka sweeteners – to improve local infrastructures straining under new developments.
The developers have had an unobstructed orgy in the last few years, often at the expense of green fields, aided by a council obsessed with it’s own mad plan to build over 42,000 new homes between 2015-30. In effect, the council have been rolled over and had their bellies tickled…but they are not alone.
Asked how it would spend the windfall, Head of Housing, Cllr C. Lueless, said that the council had come across a job lot of French tents to house anybody who could not afford a five bedroom detached. Migrants were expected to flood across the border from Leeds.
Channel 4’s Dispatches focused on the activities of the major housebuilders who account for around 80% of UK housebuilding – watch it here – although it was hard not to feel that the format of these programmes consistently follows a set pattern.
– worthy investigative reporter uncovers uncomfortable truths usually around Big Business.
– disaffected Mr & Mrs Joe Public are wheeled out to look glum and make the case…“it just ain’t fair!”
– Big Business wheels out hired mouthpiece to avoid having to front up in person.
– mouthpiece claims Big Business really does have a heart of gold that’s why it pays him/her so much to take the flak.
– Reporter interviews politician who says “I’ll fix this!”
– sod all happens.
– politician gets a new job doubling salary with Big Business.
The council’s plan looks pure fantasy as I have said many times before. Interestingly what they have not disclosed is the proportion of “affordable” homes built, a definition revised upwards by the government only this year.
“The Tory government has invented a category of “starter homes”, restricted to first-time buyers under 40, to be sold at a discount of at least 20 per cent of market price of less than £250,000, or £450,000 in London.” (Financial Times – 6/1/16)
Very helpful.
Meanwhile a report on segregation in the UK inevitably dragged Bradford into the mix once again claiming that we should do more to prevent people moving from areas of high immigration to areas of high mortgages.
“The document, published by Open Democracy, says many cities, including Bradford, Birmingham, Leicester, Luton and London, have seen areas develop where the white British population is “increasingly dwindling” as minorities increase.”
Why is it that people who have no experience of living in multicultural cities see fit to pontificate on how we exist? You cannot force people to live in one place simply to tick a few policy boxes.
Likewise if authorities were serious about integration how about improving the housing stock and general infrastructure in these areas to give people a reason to stay?
Instead, the council is allowing developers to build housing way out of the reach of many in a City also acknowledged to be about to suffer more than most from the changes to benefits that took effect this week.
A tale of two cities?
More Olympics Bollocks – Not in 3D
As a consistent objector to the London Olympics one of the points I made was that the projected costs would turn out to be a work of fantasy. Four years on and yet more proof here.
We keep being told that the public purse is stretched and yet we can blow millions seemingly with nobody on the hook. The cost of the stadium has doubled following the required revamp to house West Ham United. And you and I foot the bill.
For their part, West Ham pay a couple of million quid a year in rent – the average salary of a Premier League player is circa twice that – and they stumped up £15m to “contribute to the £300m+ costs of the stadium work
The Odeon
Almost twenty years on from closure it lives on but shame on our inept council who could do so much more to push this project forward rather than simply uttering sympathetic noises in the media.
Once again it is impossible not to believe that if this were Leeds the venue would have been completed years ago and our young people could have somewhere to go other than a local full of old farts.
Breaking News!
Billy Pearce has been forced to withdraw from Bradford’s Christmas panto but the council have secured a replacement who won’t be doing much until January at least.
Enjoy your weekend…it’s gonna be great y’all!
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