“Living is Easy with Eyes Closed.”
John Lennon
I wonder if it is simply the ageing process that makes certain aspects of daily life ever harder to fathom out?
The other day a piece on the news featured body dysmorphia, a mental health condition where you spend a lot of time worrying about your appearance…or not if you happen to drink in The Scruffy.
As I wrote this I could see Bombastic on the allotment with his hoe and not a thought in his head about this condition that warranted prime-time news.
A surgeon claimed he was doing a hundred breast reduction operations on men a year. Tits growing tits; how much dafter will the world get?
I had a quick email from ex-Dyke CC legend Gary Kingett from his poolside retreat with his beautiful young wife. Recovering from another bout of liposuction and Botox he said exclusively.
“Bro it takes ages to get pecs like these! No way I’m snipping these! Fetch me another Mythos love.”
Backward Bradford
In episode three of Bradford On Duty, the cameras followed the fire brigade around certain parts of Wild West Bradford as they tried to douse random fires. This was not done in the pursuit of spoiling the inmates’ fun but to prevent possible loss of life.
As predicted on screen, within minutes, the fire service and the police – who have to be there to protect them – were surrounded by puffer jacket-wearing, hooded deprived/depraved (you pick but probably both) thugs wielding state-of-the-art mobiles.
I wonder how many of these morons would react if they had to clear up the daily mess arising from stories like this, all too commonplace in Bradford.
A driver who almost killed his passenger when his speeding car hit a wall and erupted into a ball of flames has been jailed for more than two years.
The fact that the public services are simply trying to protect human life is lost. The very same people we rely on to clear up incidents like this, to save lives and to do it all again the next day. Without fear or favour.
And On It Goes
The BBC subsequently acknowledged staff had “raised concerns” after an in-house diversity group reportedly criticised the former Yorkshire batter resuming commentary duties. So went this article last week.
It is an utterly pathetic if predictable stance by the woeful BBC. In the Yorkshire Post, their excellent cricket writer Chris Waters, nailed the issue calling for a public inquiry where all sides can have their say without fear of legal reprisals.
There is something chronically wrong with our society that the moment someone plays the race card, all other views count for nothing. If we are to tackle racism – of all forms – we have to be bold, open and honest.
Secretive little focus groups like this one who are accountable to nobody do nothing but fester division and suspicion.
Almost the same day came news of Andrew Gale – ex-captain and coach – feeling unable to defend himself in the forthcoming ECB show trial. This is utterly disgraceful and I applaud Gale’s decision not to have anything to do with this charade.
How let down he must feel by a club he served with distinction and no little success.
Tales From The Allotment
Gregarious has gone back to the homeland leaving The Swamp without anybody to water it, something not lost on Bombastic as he viewed the local Amazon rainforest.
“I’d be careful walking past that for a few months now as them alligators will be looking for something to eat!” He sat in his metal sunchair chuckling to himself as Greengingers and I wondered just what The Swamp would look like on the return of our Greek philosopher.
Although, as hardy Northerners, we should not be too surprised at the weather, it has been very unpredictable with monsoons, chilly winds and just the occasional threat of sunshine.
Soon it will be harvest time and what to do with a hundred onions and a tonne of potatoes. Maybe Boris will need some?
Pantoland
The highlight of a dreadful Bradford On Duty episode four, aside from the fact that this could have been about any city in the world, was the Two Egos caught out by a naughty bit of editing.
Chief Head in Clouds flicks her hair and says “we are a team” quickly followed by a clip of her swivel-eyed Lapdog spouting “we’re coming at it from different angles!” You could not make it up.
Perhaps there is room in the panto for these two later in the year? If only Cinderella was running…
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