“He who dares not offend cannot be honest.”
Thomas Paine
Laid down in Pilates, eyes about to close, the troubles of the world were rapidly vanishing.
Suddenly a nobbly finger poked its way through the back of my shirt. Chief Golden Girl, blinged up already for afternoon bingo hissed in my ear.
“Oy you’ve got an ‘ole in it yer scruffy git!” She sat there accusingly, her skin like well-polished rawhide, immaculate Hollywood Wives gym gear, newly painted talons.
In this world of excessive consumerism tell me what is wrong with keeping a gym shirt until it falls from your back? It was only when I raised my arms that I had to concede that twenty-nine years is pretty good going – well done Nike – time to replace.
Fresh Air
As we all battle with the cost of living crisis, a recent price hike at Morrisons struck me as opportunistic. The price of blowing our tyres up has more than doubled from 20p to 50p.
Must get out more?
Tales From The Allotment
There is nothing as unpredictable as the British weather but the work of many an allotment holder come June is much easier, the planting largely done.
Now we should be relaxing in our deckchairs, taking in the sun, watching the crops and listening to the expansive world views of Bombastic as the laughter of Gregarious breaks the silence.
Bombastic is still awaiting his City of Culture grant.
“Don’t they give them out for sitting on your arse? That’s what I’m doing! Where’s mine?” he exclaimed the other day as Greenfingers and I listened on, eight decades of boiling frustration with a life that rarely made sense anymore.
The blackbirds have had their daily supply of fruit via the blueberry bushes curtailed by large swathes of white netting; they skulk about looking for worms in the dusty soil.
We live in hope of a bountiful crop.
The Fifteen (Nineteen) Billion Pound Railway
Filmed over ten years, this BBC documentary followed Crossrail and the building of the new Elizabeth Line from Reading to Essex via subterranean London. It is a must-watch not least because it reminds one of the enormous engineering talent the UK has.
You might ask why it was four years and four billion over budget but how on Earth can you cost or schedule something as ambitious and challenging as this? Any initial estimates must have been blue-sky thinking with a timetable created by politicians.
If we can do it down there, how about up here? With Boris on his uppers, talk of levelling up is in the air again but, three years since he romped home, few know what this means.
A transport system for the North to reflect the best of British would be a start.
Bradford On Duty – Episodes 2 & 3
In episode two of what is clearly a mockumentary, PSCO Greenwood at least had the courage to speak openly about the challenges of policing a lawless area of Bradford. Nobody is suggesting he is a worldly intellect on social affairs, but try a week walking in his shoes?
He suggested cats were being eaten in a place close to a street charmingly nicknamed Death Row. Castigated by those who prefer to look the other way, I have it on good account he has been suspended.
In episode three, attention turned to across town – Darkness On The Edge Of Town sprung to mind – with Bonfire Night the focus. Bradfordians will be hard-pressed to distinguish between Bonfire Night and any other as fireworks are a nightly “treat” in these parts.
Note the irony of £300 boxes of fireworks being sold in these deprived communities as youths congregated like hungry rats pointing mobile phones at the police – some deprivation.
The apologists and hand-wringers were out in force blaming austerity yet again, failing to note that the locals burnt the place down a decade before austerity.
Their hatred for the fire service and police reflected their utter ignorance of those who risk their lives to keep us all safe. I wonder what they think when they are being pulled from a mangled stolen car by the same people?
The episode was peppered – again – by several contributions from CEO England and the hopeless Hapless Hinchcliffe. It makes me wonder what the talent pool is like in these public sector professions if these two can rise to the top.
Asked if she would resign, Hapless refused on the basis that it would not serve Bradford which defined her deluded state neatly. As much as Boris is a dead man walking, the same applies. It is only a matter of time.
Leave a Reply