“Doc would listen to any kind of nonsense and change it for you to a kind of wisdom.”
John Steinbeck, Cannery Row
Closer and closer we get to the great release when we can meet and freely talk any amount of nonsense again.
Meanwhile…talking of nonsense.
A few weeks ago I offered you another Council funded cure for insomnia – the draft Local Plan for Bradford 2021 – don’t tell me you’ve not read it from cover to cover?
It’s good news for the local T&A as they can pick the bones from this beast for months to come although I doubt Average Joe’s attention has a chance of being stirred. Consider this.
Around 7,000 new homes could be created within Bradford city centre…The document, which is currently out to public consultation…will dictate developments until 2038…and could dramatically increase the amount of city centre living in Bradford.
Award winning architects – Blind, Mann Drawin & Robbin – have been chosen by Bradford Council for their award winning work in polishing turds. They recently submitted their cutting edge vision for the city centre.
As a forerunner to this brave new world, numerous high-end restaurants are already springing up across the city awaiting the boom times led by the return of well-heeled punters to the city centre.
Locals continue to show their enterprising spirit; here’s how we do it in Bradford.
Dump a forty-foot steel container somewhere close to a main road, cover it in used pallets, buy a frying pan and await your Michelin Star in the post. Planning permission? What’s that?
It appears our local councillors were defenders of the public here. According to a letter submitted to the T&A members of Bradford Council’s planning panel had refused plans to build a cafe at a busy junction, it was concerning that officers had recommended its approval.
Of the numerous public comments attached to the article here is one. We are starting to look like some God forsaken West African state with shipping containers scattered around.
City of Culture here we come.
Staff Meeting
This week’s meeting via the asylum’s home video service began with Headmistress Hapless grimacing at the camera as Head Prefect – Comical – was caught doing his school tie up having had a sneaky lie in.
He still could not believe the Headmistress had given him such a plum job as Head of Degeneration although he really wanted Culture because that’s where you got to spend even more money, EVERYBODY clapped you and you could muck about on Facebook all day.
The lockdown release of hairdressers could not come soon enough but at least he’d managed to do his tie on his own; things were looking up.
“Are we live?” asked the stern looking Headmistress. A thousand answers came to mind as, in turn, the inner circle chanted “Yes leader!”
Beginning by reminding all that this was a serious gathering – just in case – she introduced Deputy Head Ferocious who was still locked in her broom cupboard after upsetting the Headmistress by not clapping loud enough at the last meeting.
Any more insolence and she would be meeting the Windhill Dobermans.
The meeting began with an impassioned presentation of the new Clean Air Strategy by a Professor McEachan as Comical gazed longingly out of his Velux. It was comforting to discover that Covid had done little to reduce traffic flows in the city although most drivers would be unlikely to be peddling clean air.
There then followed a presentation of the new ten year cultural plan as the Headmistress scanned the screen for signs of dissent. Several very enthusiastic staff from the Art Dept explained how they could blow millions and everybody would be happy forever, but mostly them.
Thankfully nobody asked about real jobs because that nasty Government had just given all those to Darlington and Leeds. And nobody dared ask what the Headmistress would be doing with the new school block just across the way after borrowing £30m.
A bright-eyed lady from the Arts Dept shook her head wildly, giant green earrings flashing across the screen like glitter balls.
“I know, I know, I know!!! When we win City of Culture it can be a new arts block for meeeeeee!!!! We will employ 100,000 of the best of our bestest, youngest population.”
And with that the chant was led by the Headmistress.
“We have the youngest population…We have the youngest population…We have the youngest population…We have the youngest population…”
Suddenly a voice was heard onscreen.
“But what do we do with them?”
Instantly there was the sound of dogs and then a show of hands; it was carried unanimously. All was well again.
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