“You can’t run away from it all forever….you certainly can’t outrun yourself.”
Bruce Springsteen
In our little corner of The Scruffy, the topics discussed are many and varied, but perhaps never quite so as last weekend. Somehow, we’d arrived at male grooming, an unlikely subject given the sum of our ages.
Patch had been for a haircut to which I’d suggested the hourly rate for a three minute whizz around his lobes must put a few City traders to shame. Was it even worth sitting down?
Uncle Andy confessed he does his own; by that, he shaves the few odd little tufty bits that sprout just a bit better than my carrots.
Big Al, gets his carer, long lost Luckless Linda, to shave as well as dress and feed him. The only thing she has yet to do is pour beer down his neck but that would entail a variation from part to full-time status.
So it seemed it was left to Five Pints and myself to support the local hairdressing fraternity.
Somehow the conversation went down from hereon, all the way down. Here I must state any reference to any person living is pure coincidence, for they may not well be once this has been published. Did anybody shave down there…you know…down there?
I confessed immediately, having published my one and only experience – see The End of the Line – in order to save humanity from my gene pool.
“I shave” said our friend “The wife loves it all smooth down there! It’s a bit like fresh orange juice…no bits in your teeth she says!” Almost choking on our pints, we soon recovered, keen to know more.
“No risk at all…I don’t use a razor, I use Veet.” he/she said – for now we were having doubts – “It makes me look bigger too!” Not wishing to wet myself I made my excuses.
On researching, I found the website with all manner of bodily offerings although none specifically for under the category of Bollocks.
…remove unwanted body hair without the nicks, cuts, and prickly stubble… Experience smooth skin with Veet Men Hair Removal Cream – it not only hydrates the skin…fragrance technology also ensures that there is no lingering malodour.
The times they are a changing…
Local History
Some days it is quite possible to walk from here in Idle to Bradford on the Moor – Baildon – quicker than taking the car. Making this possible are bridges across the canal and river, the latter known locally as The Green Bridge.
Built in 1889, I found the memorial plate fascinating although if not from these parts then perhaps the names will not resonate. I wonder what legacies our local empowered will leave?
Walking further up I took a right turn – Silson Lane – and eventually ended up overlooking one of the prettiest local cricket grounds, Tong Park CC, passing a monument to The Great War as well.
Finally, making my way into Baildon, I passed numerous houses staggering in beauty and scale; this place must have reeked money in years gone by.
As I made my way home I could not resist the duck pond down at the old Brackendale Mills site in Thackley. So much beauty and right here on the doorstep.
Royal Scoop
Rumours that Harry and Meghan quit the Royal Family because they were scheduled to visit Bradford were denied this week by Buckingham Palace. After two tours of Afghanistan, this was whispered to be one trip to Dodge City too many.
There were also denials that the Queen had forbidden William & Kate using the Royal fleet in Bradford, insisting that they use their Grandad’s Rolls Royce, last seen wrapped around a tree at Sandringham Estate. As it had no insurance it would blend in well.
William and Kate were delighted to find out that rumours of widespread deprivation in Bradford were wide of the mark. CEO Kirsten England remarked – allegedly – “Austerity, what austerity? Have you seen how much I’m on?”
Meanwhile
Take a look at the picture headlining yet another piece on Bradford’s dickhead drivers. This is a daily occurrence displaying a contempt for the law both breathtaking and depressing.
BBC Look North highlighted the issue – belatedly – last week, claiming it might take a generation to cure. I’m not sure it is possible because these people clearly are too thick to understand basic civility. I would not trust them to drive a pram.
If you are born thick as pig shit then this is a problem clearly; but then if you are allowed to get away with it what does that say of the system?
To neatly summarise Bradford Council’s utter hypocrisy and ineptitude so far as enforcing parking law goes, this story re the imposition of weekend parking charges applied to one of the few areas of the city centre that attracts any footfall at all, simply defies belief.
If traffic wardens can so easily be found to ticket vehicles here and not where the problems are evidently far worse what conclusions does one draw?
Strangely, there was no quote from regeneration guru Cllr Comical Alex.
Doctor Beeching says
If you follow on twitter the guy who runs the superb Record Cafe up on North Parade there’s some delightful, spats and wriggling with our erstwhile Councillor.
Steve says
Utter f*ckwits to destabilise one of the few parts of town doing well. Comical Alex is simply that….Comical.