“This is a phenomenon commonly known as woke-ism…the prioritisation of diversity over merit.”
David Behrens
Just when you think they cannot get any more upset about everyday life, the bedwetters (at M&S in this case) have managed to ban the term Midget Gems.
These sugar-laden lumps of hard jelly must have made dentists a small fortune, but now the name is offensive. To who? Snow White?
It is only a matter of time before the wokes discover the rampant cruelty of gardeners, naming crops in a wholly insensitive manner.
I quickly made for my shed to seek out the offending articles for a ceremonial burning, just like they did with books in Nazi Germany.
No more would I insult small Gallic people by planting dwarf french beans. My St George runner beans would have to go; far too patriotic and offensive towards dragons still getting over losing all those years ago.
Nelson sprouts would doubtless also offend those seeking retribution for our horrible past. Although, if the wokes found my plants they might find these easier to topple than a statue. Of course the racist Zucchini – Black Beauty – would have to be airbrushed.
And how dare they call a cabbage Monarchy? Elitist bastards!
Speaking of which, the Boris cauliflowers will also have to party somewhere else…most likely alone.
Is It Me?
Certain people would lead you to believe that Bradford was the arts capital of the North; certainly those whose indefinable “jobs” depend on this mirage. So you won’t be surprised if you guessed my reaction to this story
A project to help deliver cultural events in Bradford has been awarded £200,000. The money will enable the project to continue its work transforming and developing the city’s creative ecology…
Funding will see 250 artists create new work, build networks and develop the skills needed to progress their careers. 80 per cent of those receiving training, support, mentoring and investment will be from groups affected by systematic discrimination.
Can anybody explain what is creative ecology?
Still, if it keeps these folks off the streets at home with their paint pots then all well and good.
The Eternally Clueless Bunch
Otherwise known as the English Cricket Board, the current shower are now engaged in their regular cycle of review and hand-wringing after England were demolished – again – in Australia.
Rather ironically it is the same bunch of idiots who have presided over the move of the longer form of the game, fundamental to test cricket, to a sideshow populated by hangers-on.
Whilst they ignored the obvious need to radically change county cricket, they also introduced an even shorter form of the shorter game designed for halfwits.
You reap what you sow.
Age
Advert of the week this week – the one that leaves me staring at the tv wide-eyed – has to be the Sun Life Over 50s pitch. A bloke who looks closer to seventy than fifty urges the likes of me to buy life assurance so my Godsons can ride around in brand new cars when I am rotting away.
“There are no health checks!” he chirps as he uses a builder’s trowel to butter his toast. If I were Sun Life I would not be insuring this walking heart attack.
A Country Bumpkin
My mention last week of Comical Alex being filmed striding Ilkley Moor brought this wonderful response from a local.
That’s all we need on our hallowed moor. Another council prat with as much country knowledge as a flea in a morgue. Environmental experts like him are best kept under lock and key not let loose on unsuspecting Ilkley Moor bog hoppers.
More From Woke Corner
An advert featuring two girls hanging upside down while eating Dairylea cheese triangles has been banned following complaints that it could encourage unsafe behaviour. Some 14 viewers complained…
It got me thinking about things I did as a kid that would now be considered life-threatening. If only I had 14 viewers?
– swimming in the canal trying to be Tarzan.
– garden hopping risking lacerated ankles via homemade cold-frames.
– drinking cream soda and eating Tudor Crisps pickled onion flavour then trying to kiss a girl on the school bus.
– smashing my Mum’s kitchen window – again – with a miss-timed (slog) cricket shot.
– weeing over Our Kid because I could not find the loo (sorry Our Kid!).
What’s yours?
Lord Frazer Irwin says
The Midget Gem scenario had me going through files for something in a similar vein regarding naming Gingerbread Men.
Recently our bakery produced Gingerbread Persons for sale in Personaton and Personkinholes. We also sold some in Personhall and Personmarsh. A Person from Personkirk requested Gingerbread Persons be sent via Personcross on the Person train for Personwell. Unfortunately the Person at Personwell fell down a Personhole before collecting our Gingerbread Persons from a Signal Person, who stopped the Person train on it’s way to Kemeys Compersonder. Our delivery person is distressed and lost along with a batch of Gingerbread Persons for Personningham and Personchester. The vehicle was last seen in the Personzieburn area.
I apologise not to those in this world who feel my PC is incorrect. Wrong ideas put forward or wrong buttons pressed cause great distress to lesser mortals. PC is an airy-fairy attitude best left on the other side of the pond. Our whole culture, language, industry and commerce is being eroded by mis-informed, soft headed individuals, who find it impossible to describe that which is before them in a true manner. For heavens sake leave well alone.
From Three Men in a Manhole.