Trust none of what you hear, less of what you see.
Bruce Springsteen, Magic.
According to a recent study people are exercising an extra twenty minutes a week now so that should cure obesity! They are also watching television or gaming an extra two and a half hours a week. Spot the problem?
Another survey claimed that one in five people had no rainy day savings before the pandemic but that one in four women fell into this category. Given most women I have known use more water brushing their teeth than the average bloke does to shower perhaps there are some money saving tips.
Most blokes pee in the shower because we are helping save the planet. Join in girls; think of the good all that squatting will do for your legs, bums and tums plus you’re saving money too!
Top Shit Man!
Once again I am the beneficiary of confiscated compost courtesy of West Yorkshire Police and their fine work tackling Bradford’s booming pharmaceutical industry.
It was top Dutch produce; where else do they grow weed so well? Maybe I will be able to get off my face on my tomatoes this summer?
Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire
One of the hardest things not to write about is the current situation. Nonetheless, I cannot take much more of the regular doom and gloom updates from the Dept of the Grim Reaper.
In time, we should be afforded a mature and honest inquiry into just how we fared in comparison with the rest of the world. But don’t expect contrition should we be found wanting.
When was the last time you heard someone in authority admit they got it wrong? It just does not happen which must mean that everybody is right and utterly blameless. And this is why politicians are so distrusted.
It makes us little better than much more notorious states who at least don’t pretend the public ever have a right to know. How refreshing for somebody to say “yes, we ****ed up! But we know why and we won’t do it again.” At least you might feel some degree of empathy.
Soreen
Has anybody else noticed how small Soreen Malt Loaf has got? You used to be able to get eight decent sized slices but now barely seven skinny ones. The world is truly going tits up.
BullyJuice Time
With my gym shut there are still numerous ways of keeping in shape, not least via a range of classes on You Tube – see YouTube Kents Lockdown – and without the need for any kit, apart from clothing of course. The Kents classes are varied so no worries about getting bored, just the heart attack.
I’ve developed a bit of a routine with a dawn chorus walk and a teatime session from the You Tube menu. In between I smell like a tramp and try to avoid human contact.
A few weeks ago I was midway through a session when the window cleaner arrived, looked through the window and promptly joined in with some Ukrainian style star jumps. The postman arrived with me flushed and sweating; he looked envious, if only he knew the truth.
I have one “guest” tutor in BullyJuice who looks as if he could rip me apart with one hand. He seems a nice lad and is always forthcoming with an encouraging thumbs up during the workout as I pant my last breath. If only he could see a middle-aged guy drowning in his own sweat.
Try a few of these in the privacy of your own home, just remember to lock the doors.
Splendid Isolation
There are many things that have come to my attention on my early morning walks, not least the peacefulness. Despite many ailments, Bradford has some spectacular architecture so I am conscious to follow a pal’s advice of years ago – “look up”.
Of course, we are urged to stay local and I had thought that routes might become repetitive; this has not been the case. With time in abundance, who cares if a chosen path takes you somewhere unexpected?
In direct contrast, the dominance of the car has changed the appearance of many streets from when I was a boy. Grass verges are churned, front gardens concreted over.
Next Spring it will be ninety years since the closure of passenger rail travel on lines that commanded stations of places such as Idle, Thackley and Windhill.
I will not even attempt to claim the high ground of hindsight but it is clear that our public transport is simply not fit for purpose, almost a century on from what would have been radical changes.
Leave a Reply