Musings From The Padded Cell

Liars All

“In our country the lie has become not just a moral category but a pillar of the State.”
Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Since we voted to leave the freeloading Johnny Foreigner bunch – I thought I’d make my stance clear – there has been a creeping campaign by a section of the so called “elite” to reverse this decision.

They argue that Joe Public had no idea what they were voting for based on a pack of lies. In that case you could cancel the result of every election ever conducted.

Old Sleazy

And who’s leading the calls for more clarity and openness? The serial liar Tony Blair, a man with more innocent blood on his hands than an elephant poacher.

Right behind him is Sir Nick Clegg, a failed politician proven to be rather weak on keeping his word. Remember whose party got smashed at the last election whilst promising a second vote.

Weekly they queue up for an audience on the publicly funded BBC to whine like spoilt brats.

A serial whiner is Chukka Umunna MP, who was at it again the other day claiming the public would vote differently next time now they really understood Brexit, all thanks to upstanding guys like him.

What utter bloody claptrap; Joe Public have not got a hope in hell of understanding the issues largely because politicians are too spineless and dishonest to discuss those that ordinary people are most concerned about.

Protected in their ivory towers these people are clueless as to real life.

They moan that inflation is hurting people in the pocket but don’t explain that, because successive governments have destroyed manufacturing in the UK, we have an over-dependence on imported goods and over-paid financiers.

Conveniently, they ignore the reality that exporters are actually doing quite well as a result of a weaker pound creating jobs.

As ever, it is swings and roundabouts but not if you are a politician living by half-truths.

So, it’s all the fault of thick, racist Northerners who don’t understand the social devastation likely if sushi bars in London can’t find minimum wage immigrants to staff them.

And if we do have another referendum which produces a different result then surely we have a third on the basis of best of three?

Even Nigel Farage is at it, deprived of the spotlight and probably wondering how he will cope once we leave, no longer able to cream his fat MEP’s salary and perks – see here.

In June 2016, over thirty million people voted, a staggering turnout by modern-day standards.

Blair, Clegg, Umunna and the other bleaters don’t give a shit about you and I but the contempt they show for basic democracy is a danger to us all.

Tales From The Scruffy

One pint and home please.

The Sunday Times last week confirmed what most in The Scruffy had feared for many years; drinking just one pint of beer a day raises the risk of dementia and “will slowly poison the brain.”

Public Health England (PHE) announced “our findings are of particular relevance to older individuals who demonstrated a greater rate of decline as alcohol consumption increased.” I

In one short sentence they described the entire pub.

This may explain the long losing streak suffered at the Sunday quiz by The Fishermen and the recent influx of youngsters sensing easy pickings.

Cognitive performance – remembering what to drink – and coordination combined effortlessly.

Cognitive performance was said to be impacted by excessive alcohol.

As none of the locals has a clue what this meant, it’s likely future loss was not considered nearly as bad as City losing again at home last week.


PHE also recommends that the entire population be put on a diet.

Il Padrino – a serial diet failure – is awaiting state guidelines on how how to burn the illegal contraband. Our Jackie was last seen running off into the night with a full box screaming “Gerroff me Wotsits!”

‘Nob ‘Ed Korna is in turmoil; could they all have been rocket scientists had they never fallen victim to the dreaded drink? Fat Lad looked at his mobile phone in wonderment.

Hidden talent?

“I could have been Steve Jobs had it not been for Carling!” he insisted to guffaws from Homeless, propping up the bar as usual.

“I could have been Paul Daniels!” said Magic Joe “Me and Debbie would have danced forever.” And with that he did a smooth pirouette to the gents.

There they sit in defiance of the science, waiting the day when, one by one, they get picked up and led away to sit in a high seat for the rest of their days, dribbling from all ports.


Council Tax

The money pit

Hapless Hinchcliffe does like to rabbit on about the fact that Bradford has one of the youngest populations in the UK. We are led to believe this is a positive but, typically, she has failed to elucidate how.

So how does she square this with the likelihood of a six per-cent rise in Council tax to pay for an ever increasing social care bill? Would it be too much to expect her or one of her minions to try to explain this to the electorate?

I asked her to explain this earlier in the week and, as usual, zip.

One Hundred Years Ago

This week’s archive contains a look back at Baildon at the time of the Crimea War.

The Death Of Radio

A gentler age

In 2009 Sir Terry Wogan retired from his early morning radio show. It was brilliant and incomparable for the humour, intelligence and, of course, fine music. Contributions from the public were original and bitingly funny.

Ever since then I’ve bounced around the airwaves searching for anything remotely comparable.

I would rather chew my own toenails than put up with the sycophantic Chris Evans, Wogan’s replacement. There may come a time when I have to wake up to whooping and wailing but not yet.

DJ Kim

I tried Radio 4’s Today programme but am left feeling Radio Pyongyang would offer me, as a Northerner, more balance and relevance.

Scouring the alternatives these last few weeks, I found Radio Leeds. Here there is a woman called Liz who shouts at you and offers the feeling of sitting in a launderette full of morons.

“Am ‘avin me first cuppa tea then am off shopping!” said a caller invited to spread her wisdom across the airwaves. Well thank you for that I thought reaching for the hammer to pulverise the blameless radio.

The digital alternatives are fine for a while till you realise you’ve been listening to the same music for two weeks.

Most commercial radio formats are based on shouting as loud as possible to disguise the fact that you’ve nothing of interest to say and have a single digit IQ.

So if anybody can recommend a better start to the day I am all ears.

And Finally

Rough week commuting as the annual inch of snow fell? Good to know Bradford Council are on it then!

Bradford’s new fleet of gritters gets to work.

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  1. Pat Sowden says:

    Hi Steve – well said. Let’s just get on with leaving Europe as soon as possible – in my opinion it was a mistake to enter in the first place. Remembering an interview with a young woman on the TV soon after the Brexit vote who claimed the result was the fault of the older generation who had very little life left anyway – I think of all the comments I heard that must rate as the very worst .

    • Thanks Pat
      I heard similar gripes from young people alluding to the older generations destroying their futures…What a load of rubbish!
      The only advocates of the EU are those who have their noses in the big unaudited, unelected trough.

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