“Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are.” Markus Zusak
A light’s gone out; my beautiful friend Barbara – Babsy – has gone and they don’t make them like her anymore.
I’ll never forget the day I first met her at the funeral of another lost far too young. It was one of the saddest days of my short life to that point.
Hiding behind the bar at the wake just to avoid talking to anybody, I was struck by this stunning woman, somehow radiating positivity amongst the gloom. People just gravitated to her, a force of strength.
I don’t think she ever understood the effect she had on others. She had a natural beauty and a personality you were drawn to, one that was totally genuine. We go back a bit.
The Perfect Years
In the early 1990s, our social lives were on fire. Bradford was alive with great local pubs like The Swing Gate and, of course, The White Bear. For a short while, we were the Kings and Queens of our universe…at least we liked to think that.
Friday nights meant a hop across town to The Black Swan and The Park in Frizinghall. In those days, pubs shut at eleven but as long as we made it back by 10.55, the back door at the Bear would be ajar. Who needed a night club?
We’d pile back to disrupt the regular lock-in punters with Babsy and her glamorous mates there to add some gloss to our old pub; those were the times of our lives.
She lived down the hill at the time, close to the park, in a beautifully renovated cottage. It was like something out of a lifestyle magazine and her hospitality was as warm as the log fire.
Friday nights could sometimes go well into the next day as several of us wobbled down the hill. We drained endless bottles of Chianti to Dina Carroll cds around a big old pine kitchen table.
Judy, her beloved labrador, would snooze contentedly in front of the fire.
The two of us had a brief shot at romance as Springsteen coined the phrase, but neither of us were good at this bit of life. Once dusted down, we were mates from thereon.
You could never fall out with her, as potty as she was, impossible with a soul as pure as hers.
Retail Therapy
She loved to spend and spend well but, then again, she worked harder than most I knew. I will never forget her shoe wardrobe – I did not know they existed – with boxes piled up, mostly untouched. We called her the Imelda Marcos of Bradford.
A more endearing nickname was given affectionately by a pal who simply loved her company because she was great fun at the end of a hard week. He called her The Duchess and she was always immaculate.
Babsy dragged me Christmas shopping to York once and spent a small fortune on “Christmas Spray”, a foul smelling aerosol at a price that made my eyes water worse than the spray did. She was insistent it smelt like Christmas and I grinned all the way home.
But she just wanted every occasion she hosted to be the best and they usually were.
Convincing me and a pal to perform as waiters at a charity house party, it was an experience we laughed about for as long as the bruises on my backside took to heal, drunken middle-aged women nipping ever harder as more wine went down.
With her you were never short of laughter but I often felt she made so much effort to make others smile she forgot herself. There were years of organising numerous fundraising events, dear to her own heart after brushes with illness in her younger days.
She helped raise tens of thousands for good causes and people she never met will have had better lives because of her.
I know she was secretly worn down by the apathy of many who simply let her get on with it. She probably thought it easier to bat on than to ask but those who spend their lives looking after everybody else can miss the person in the mirror.
Donald and Ernest
Her Uncle Ernest, long gone, had been a stalwart at my cricket club. She did not hesitate to offer her support for the kids and the family name lives on.
Babsy’s professional life typified all you’ve read so far. She gave everything to Midland Bank (HSBC) – she told me she started it up – for almost four decades. Then, the faceless suits coldly and cowardly showed her the door to their eternal shame.
She was not idle for long and her great friend and mentor, Sir Ken Morrison, soon snapped her up. After Sir Ken’s sad passing a few years ago, she stayed on working for the family. Thorp Edge estate to Myton Hall – what a journey to be proud of.
Babsy knew the clock was ticking and family was everything to her. Her beloved sister Pat and husband Pete were now neighbours and the aim was to move her dad Donald in too.
Sadly he passed away a few weeks ago, a grand old bloke, a real gent; she was heartbroken. I’m guessing that she just wanted to be a bit closer to Donald and her dear mum, who she talked about as if just around the corner, long since gone.
In normal times the chapel would be packed and there would be tears to flood a valley.
Rest in peace beautiful, I’ll see you in my dreams.
x
The road is long and seeming without end
The days go on, I remember you my friend
And though you’re gone and my heart’s been emptied it seems
I’ll see you in my dreams
Bruce Springsteen
Janet Watts says
Beautiful words for a beautiful lady. A true friend for over 40 years. Wonderful memories of happy times drinking on a Friday night, holidays, fund raising for many charities and working together for many many years. RIP my lovely friend Janet xxxxx
Lindsay says
Lovely words at this sad time xx
I have know. Barbara years abs has a wonderful holiday with her & Yvonne in turkey years ago we had such fun – and yes at the mucky duck those were great times x
Carole says
My beautiful friend inside and out. Can’t believe what’s happened. Fantastic times and memories. Barbara looked after everybody had the biggest heart. We laughed until we cried. Will miss her forever x
Craig says
What a tribute. I truly hope she’s at peace, safe in the knowledge she was so loved and highly regarded. When I arrived at Myton, Barbara had ensured there was a plate of the best biscuits for me and our meeting. Her phone calls were legendary; we could start a serious-ish conversation and purpose and end up covering just about every subject but always about our beloved Bradford. “Sad” doesn’t scratch the surface Rest now love and sort the buggers out wherever you may be x
Steve says
Hi Craig
She’ll be kicking somebody’s backside somewhere up there…and still breaking biscuits in half.
Steve
Jackie says
What a beautiful tribute to a beautiful lady . You have spoken about her in words that only a true friend could , and you have said the words that others at this sad time will find difficult . Thank you Steve , I am sure Babs family will be able to look back on this and know that she was loved by you and many many others .
Steve says
Thank you Jackie, she was a gem, a bit flawed like the rest of us but of the most priceless variety…x
Linda Enderby says
Hi Steve, I have just received the sad news and I just can’t take it in. I shed tears and the shed more when I read your fantastic tribute to an amazing woman.
I, like many others have some very happy memories of times shared with Barbara. I was at that house party you talk about, it was such a good night. Barbara did so much for the charity I work for, Cancer Support Yorkshire (formerly Bradford Cancer Support). I was also at the event in the photograph you featured. I’m in the middle dressed in blue. I would love a copy please.
It breaks my heart to think that she was in such a dark place, and felt that know one could help her.
My thoughts and prayers are with her wonderful sister Pat, her family and all of Barbara’s friends.
‘We never lose the ones we love, for love itself lives on’. Xx
Steve says
Hi Linda I remember you of course. I had a copy of the picture framed and I would be delighted to pass on to you as I know Babsy meant so much. So far as the great work you do, you might be interested to know I edit a local magazine so if you wanted some free publicity please do not hesitate. Please let me know.
xx
Steve parkin says
Brilliant and spot on for the best and most loving and caring lady I ever met
Tears as I read this
Rest In Peace babs xx
Judith meggison says
Brilliant article and so true!.I taught barbie and knew her for almost 50 year. Another star in heaven x
Panny says
What a great tribute to a true and very caring friend, I’ve known Barbara for over fifteen years and in that time we’ve together raised hundreds of thousands for local charities by holding annual PEC charity balls .
My dear friend will always be remembered as someone with a very strong personality who would go that extra mile to support everyone.
Many people are recognised with honours and in my opinion she deserved the most highest honour ever.
You will always be remembered, Barbara.
sally Hargreaves says
she was a beautiful lady. thankyou Barbra for being a lovely kind friend. Special Special kind friend .
Natalie says
She certainly stepped up and gave her all for us when our Dad, her cousin, took his own life. On one occasion I remember her asking you to look after me at your house on Westfield Lane when I was struggling with the start of A Levels, grief and generally being a teenager and she had taken me under her wing. I have many cherished memories of her that will last for my lifetime.
So sad that 2 members of our family felt their only escape from their pain was this.
But as you say the Jackson name lives on in Aleksandra, Asa and Jemima.
Say hello to the Jacksons waiting for you and your Grandad Dick.
“It is not length of life, but depth of life.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Vicky Reynolds says
Dear Barbara
I can’t believe you’ve left us and left us so completely bereft.
You were so generous as a friend, with your company, your time, your largesse.
You looked after everyone and I’m so sorry we couldn’t look after you when you needed us.
Goodnight, sleep tight angel xxxx
Vicky says
Dear Barbara
I’m so sorry I’m writing this and you’ve left us bereft.
You were such a generous and giving person – with your time, your personality, your sense of humour, your largesse.
You filled a room and were the life and soul of any get-together.
We all miss you and send you on your way with our love and prayers.
Fly high angel.
Vicky xxxx
Adrienne Stockdale says
A lovely tribute for a lovely lady. The best boss in my HSBC days, working with local schools, businesses and charity balls. A great job. A significant influence in my career/life, that I will remember with great fondness. A very sad time, rest in peace Barbara xx
Adrienne
Naomi. Barney says
Our beautiful babs gone,still can’t sink in.my hubby Barney went to school with her,oh jacko he’d say wot a cracking bird,so down to hearth but he always finished with she grafted for it.pat well all I can say is I’m here but she already knows that.At this moment we’re totally broken,Duchess is an understatement.God Bless Naomi and Barney. X
Deborah Morton says
Lovely tributes to a lovely lady. Barbara and I went to school together, we both started work at Midland Bank in 1974 and it was from then that our friendship really started.
We had such good fun, we were always out and had so many laughs together. Our holiday in Ibiza with Gillian will always stay with me forever. You can imagine 3 girl’s sharing one room. Yes lots and lots of shoes, I see she still had a big collection.
I remember when she started showing and interest in cricket and came with me to many matches(my ex was a cricketer). She said ‘how does that man play in all those jumpers’. It was the umpire.
Barbara, it’s ages since we last spoke and it saddens me to learn you are no longer with us. It has come as a big shock and words are not enough to express everyone’s feels. My heart goes out to Pat (or our Patricia as Barbara would often say) and her family.
Rest in peace Barbara you are with the Angels now. Sleep tight.
Deborah xxxx